Hamster Trouble
by talesforhamsters
Summary: This is why the Avengers should have never let hamsters into SHIELD. Inspiration taken from off of the RP blogs on tumblr. WARNING! EXTREME CRACK FIC AHEAD. SUGGESTIVE SEXUAL CONTENT BETWEEN CHARACTERS AND HAMSTERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
1. Chapter 1

**We'd like to dedicate this crack!fic to the hamstersofmidgard, ask-thor-godofthunder and archerinthesky on tumblr. I decided to come off of anon to write all this cracky drabbles formulated from your blogs. Keep up the good RPs guys.**

**We hope this disturbs you as much as it disturbs us.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers, they belong to Marvel *insert witty banter here***

**WARNING: **

**SUGGESTIVE SEXUAL CONTENT. NO BEASTALITY. **

**BUT IT ALMOST SUGGESTS IT. ALMOST. **

**THIS IS CRACK BY THE WAY. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.**

**AKA IF YOU DON'T WANT TO MUCK UP YOUR BRAIN DO NOT READ**

**ALSO MY GRAMMAR SUCKS. DEAL WITH IT.  
**

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**FINAL WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU WANT TO SCAR YOUR BRAIN IN ANYWAY  
**

**NOT FOR THE KIDDIES.  
**

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**Chapter 1: Let's see what the Hawk brang in!**

Clint moaned loudly as the mass of hamsters crawled across his sensitive chest. They had to do this quickly as possible before the rest of the Avengers got back from their doughnut run.

"Urrggh…hamsters. I can't do this," Clint whispered hoarsely, "especially not to 'Tasha."

He could feel a thick fluffy mass press against his cheek. With that simple gesture, his body went wild. He could feel a burning dire running through his bones engulfing him in pleasure not known before this chance encounter with the hamsters.

"I guess…that me- t-that means you won't stop, eh?"

In response, a single hamster came into Clint's view. Clint gasped in small short breathes. The air around him started to get thick and heavy.

_Damn those pesky hamsters and their soft fluffy fur_, he thought

It was getting him thinking thoughts that were stored in the back of his darkest corners of his mind.

Nearer, and nearer, the hamster closed in until its tiny little head was level with Clint's face. Its beady little eyes glazed over in lust of the mewling human that laid beneath it.

"You are ours now, Hawk eye," the fluffy hamster squeaked in a low husky voice.

The hamster pawed ever so slowly and ever so teasingly at the side of Clint's face. He could feel the hair's stand at the back of his neck as the hamster continued its ministrations. Sweat beads formed on the brow of the archer.

_I can't take anymore of this_, Clint thought. _I need release._

"Please…" Clint groaned.

"Please _what_?"

The hamster grinned mockingly revealing its two lovely hamster incisors.

"Finish me off," Clint growled.

The hamster stood up on its hind legs. It cocked its head to the side. Its beady little eyes expecting to add something to that response.

Clint growled in frustration.

"_**Please**_, finish me off?"

"You're learning now, Clint," the hamster squeaked approvingly.

The hamster scuttled lower down to where its paws were touching the Avenger's parted lips.

"You want me to finish you off? Beg for it."

Clint licked his dry chapped his lips and stared intensely into the animal's dark eyes.

"I want you. No…I **need** you. I need you to finish me off."

The hamster smirked.

"As you wish, dearest Hawk eye."

Suddenly, Clint's jaw unhinged like a snake. The little hamster happily slid down his esophagus and came out his ear. Clint shivered at the pleasant motion. Intending to follow the suit of the first, the other hamsters lined up like little children waiting for a turn on the slide at the playground. Each of them was quite eager to be stuffed down Clint's tight hole.

However, as the last hamster slid down his throat, he swore he saw a flash of blonde hair momentarily by the doorway.

In the distance, a great rumbling of thunder could be heard.

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**THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. ****THIS IS THE FIRST OF MANY. MORE WILL BE COMING.**

**(THOR IS UP NEXT BY THE WAY)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thor is introduced! Yay! I'm working on the next chapter by the way. It will be quite punny. Hee…see what I did there. No hamsters in this one unfortunately, but don't worry I'll make it up in the other chapters.**

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Thor leaned back in the chair in SHIELD's break room. He clutched his iced double-shot caramel espresso and took a few sips. It took him a minute to process what he had seen in Clint's room.

_His hamsters._

Thor grasped his Starbucks cup applying a firm pressure.

_With Clint._

The cup buckled under the pressure of his fist. The sides caved in scrunching it into the shape of an hourglass.

_Cuddling._

The Norse God threw the flimsy cup at the nearest wall, leaving a messy dark splotch on the wall.

(And no. He did not want another.)

"Thor?"

A sudden voice broke him from his inner thoughts. He glanced up to find Steve's blue eyes filled will great concern and worry.

"You ok, bud? You don't seem to swell today."

Thor merely grunted in response. He was in no mood to chat after what had transpired between Clint and his beloved creatures. An awkward silence enveloped them until Steve opened his mouth.

"I'm going to Tony's for some…uhm, fondue. I'll be back in a bit," the American said as he headed for the doorway.

Thor raised his eyebrows. Steve was certainly going out with Tony a lot. He did not make much of it the first few times but, very slowly Thor realized, that Steve had been making up every excuse to meet up with the Multi-millionaire, philanthropist, and all around snark.

"I wish thou hast a merry time with Tony. Most especially with the "_**fondue**_", Thor said grinning as if he knew what things transpired between Steve and Tony during their meet-ups.

At those very words, Steve turned as red as a ripe tomato.

Judging from the Captain's reaction, Thor thought about the word "fondue" meaning more than simply a meal of bread and melted cheese.

"Oh golly geeze, Thor. I-it's not like that," Steve said absolutely flustered.

"Aye, Steve. Of course it is not. It is but a simply but a jest," the Norse God boomed.

Thor gave a low throaty laugh. Talking to Steve had improved his mood.

Besides, he new exactly what was going on between them.

Steve and Tony were playing Wii Dance It again.

Thor received the information from Pepper whilst everyone was drunk during SHIELD's New Years Eve party. Thor did not remember much that night, due to the massive amount of alcohol coursing through his veins, but he peculiarly remember remnants of a conversation held with Pepper while taking shots. He remembered Pepper's drunken giggles as she recounted how she found "Steve and Tony dancing it up to MC hammer around a stripper pole while waving their Wii remotes in the air like they just don't care."

_The Midgardian's male bonding customs are certainly strange_, Thor thought. _Perhaps, I shall engage in this Wii-activity with Steve and Tony later on in the future._

Thor needed more human friends anyways since he was planning to stay in Midgard for the long term.

"Hey, Thor?"

Thor glanced at the unfrozen Capsicle.

"Aye, Steve?"

Steve tossed Thor a brown paper bag. The Norse God caught the bag and eyed it curiously.

"Do you think you could give this to Hawk eye? He asked to get something for him back at the coffee shop."

Thor glared at the paper bag with malice. The very mention of the name "Hawk eye" had darkened his mood again.

"Certainly, Steve. It shall be no trifle," Thor said coolly as he could to hide his new found spite to the Archer.

"Alright! Thanks Thor! See you later big fella!"

Thor watched Steve leave the room all giddy and smiling. He envied the Captain just a bit because life was treating him so well. The direction Thor's life was going was not so pleasant due to the situation with the hamsters. A few minutes after Steve left, Thor got up of his seat.

He needed to pay his friend Hawk eye a visit.

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**THOR KNOWS. WELL GUYS. TIME FOR SOME DRAMA LLAMA OBAMA.**


End file.
